By Raj Mistry
We’ve all been there.
That rush of liking someone.
The butterflies.
The constant thoughts.
The feeling that this person is different.
When attraction kicks in, something strange happens — our brain switches to filter mode. We see only what we want to see, and conveniently ignore everything that doesn’t fit the picture we’ve created.
If we like someone, our mind becomes their best lawyer.
Defending them even when everyone else is warning us.
- “They’re not like that.”
- “Everyone has flaws.”
- “You’re overthinking.”
- “They’re just going through a phase.”
We’ll say anything to protect the version of them we’ve fallen for — even if reality is clearly showing otherwise.
And the same thing happens in reverse.
When we don’t like someone, we only notice their bad traits and ignore their good ones.
Attraction doesn’t just influence feelings — it alters perception.
Attraction Creates Blind Spots
Our loved ones become our blind spots.
Their wrongdoings often pass unnoticed — just like when a child misbehaves, but all a mother sees is innocent play, not the behavior itself.
Attraction does the same to us.
A person could be a walking red flag, but when we’re attracted, we either don’t see it or deliberately avoid seeing it. Even when close friends or family point things out, we brush it off.
We tell ourselves they don’t understand.
But the truth is — they see clearly because they’re not emotionally involved.
How Attraction Makes Us Change Ourselves
One of the most dangerous side effects of attraction is self-abandonment.
We start putting the other person above ourselves.
If they need help — we’re there.
Midnight call? We pick up.
Busy day? Doesn’t matter.
We adjust our schedule, priorities, and even boundaries.
Sometimes we even pick up habits we never wanted.
If they smoke or drink, we might start too — not because we enjoy it, but because we want something in common.
It feels romantic at first.
But slowly, it becomes unhealthy.
When the Honeymoon Phase Ends
In the beginning, everything feels smooth.
Effortless. Magical.
But attraction doesn’t last forever.
Once enough time passes and reality settles in, your vision starts clearing.
That joke you once laughed at now feels rude.
That “quirky habit” starts irritating you.
Spooning feels suffocating instead of comforting.
The icing is gone.
Now you’re chewing dry bread.
That’s where conflicts begin.
- Conflicts over choices.
- Preferences.
- Beliefs.
- Values.
- Lifestyle.
One unresolved issue adds fuel to another. Arguments stop being about the real problem and start becoming emotional reactions.
You’re no longer fighting to fix things —
you’re fighting because you’re exhausted.
Emotionally burnt out.
Triggered by the smallest things.
No patience left for even minor disagreements.
And when attraction is the only thing holding two people together, once it fades, the road to breakup or divorce doesn’t feel very far anymore.
The Real Reason Behind Early Divorces
Many relationships — and even marriages — start before people truly know each other.
We mistake chemistry for compatibility.
Lust for love.
Attention for connection.
We don’t ask the important questions:
- What are their values?
- How do they handle stress?
- How do they fight?
- How do they treat people when they’re angry?
- Are our lifestyles even compatible?
Instead, we rush — because attraction feels urgent.
And later, real life exposes what attraction hid.
- Messy vs organized.
- Introvert vs extrovert.
- Careless vs cautious.
- Overthinking vs impulsive.
None of these are “bad” — but mismatches become painful when ignored.
That’s why so many marriages that begin with intense attraction end early.
Not because love failed — but because understanding never existed.
Know Before You Commit
Before making life-changing commitments, spend real time together.
Not just short vacations — where everyone is on their best behavior.
Live together.
See each other on boring days.
On stressful days.
On bad moods and tired evenings.
A five-day vacation shows you fun.
Two weeks of real life shows you truth.
And sometimes — listen to your friends and family.
They might not always be right, but they’re rarely all wrong.
Final Thought
Attraction is powerful — but temporary.
Love that lasts is built on:
- understanding
- shared values
- respect
- emotional maturity
Not just chemistry.
Feelings can pull you in fast.
But clarity is what keeps you there.
Don’t rush into commitment just because attraction feels intense.
Intensity fades.
Reality stays.
